I can't grasp it. I have been living in Florida for a year. August 2nd is my one year anniversary with Disney, and I can't even write about it. I simply can't wrap my head around the fact that I've been here for just one year. It sounds dramatic, but I haven't figured out how to emotionally deal with this overwhelming feeling.
Actually, come to think of it... overwhelming is a good word for my entire year. Every facet of my life this past year has been overwhelming. The good, the bad, and everything in between.
If you know me relatively well, you'll know that being honest about my feelings is very important to me. So, guys, I'm going to confess something to you. Getting my dream job at Disney did not solve every problem in my life that existed before I started my life here in Florida. I just brought it all with me and set it on fire. There are so many positives to my life that didn't exist before, and some of the negative aspects of my life just expanded and enveloped me. Have I handled every single thing with grace and dignity? Nope. Have I sometimes pushed people away because I don't want to burden anyone else? Yep. I can say that I absolutely have clung to things and people that both destroy and enlighten me.
The thing that I still find myself looking at for joy is Disney, both within and outside of my job. I still can't believe that I drive past the monorail to go home, or that I can get to Epcot in fifteen minutes from my place. To the people that said I'd get tired of Disney, you were wrong. To the people that said the magic would be lost, you were wrong. To the haters that said I couldn't survive a year here, you were wrong. I'm gloriously happy with Disney, and if anything, the magic just keeps building for me.
Here's what I didn't expect. I'm depressed. Still. If not worse. Probably worse. I don't make it a "thing" and talk about it with people simply because I don't feel the need to burden anyone with my problems. I hate making people feel uncomfortable, and quite honestly, being that vulnerable with another human being makes ME feel uncomfortable. I won't go into details as to why or how I got into this unhealthy state in my life, but I thought that I could use this blog post as a way of letting others out there know that getting your dream job doesn't solve your problems like a magical pill, and if you are currently going through some difficult mental health issues, you're not alone. Just as importantly, if you know someone struggling with depression and/or anxiety, offer to be there for them. Offer a nonjudgmental ear that will listen intently. Even offering to just hang out for a few hours makes an impact.
So, what's next for me? Disney! I'm not leaving anytime soon if I have any say about it. The crazy hot summer months are going away soon enough. Halloween and Christmas are coming up. My family is coming down for our first ever Disney adventure with my entire immediate family. We all get to walk down Main Street USA together!
My old blog readers will remember that I used to be very into Disney Parks photography. Ever since I moved here, I just stopped taking my camera with me to the parks. I'd photograph my friends at work, but that is about it. I'm happy to say that a goal of mine is to start taking photos again. I've always been interested in photographing things at Disney that other people overlook. Not characters, not landscapes, and not fireworks. I love admiring the little details that make Disney so unique and beautiful. I'll be sure to share some of my photographs once I get enough together that are worth showing.
Here's to more time with Mickey...