I apologize I have not written for my blog in so long. Here I am, 3 months living in Florida. Time flies when you're crazy busy and having fun, right?
I realize that writing about Disney has actually become harder since I have started my job with the company. There are so many things that I want to say, and yet I can only say so much publicly. I need to find a way to properly document my incredible experiences for myself to look back on years later. More than anything, my trainers have told me to keep a journal of some sort for when the days get tough and you need to remember why you're doing what you're doing. It's a great tip, and I need to follow it because I've already forgotten the most wonderful interactions simply because one day flows into the next and it's hard to keep up with it all.
I'm starting to get into a routine of sorts at work, even though I don't have a set schedule. I'm mostly working at Magic Kingdom lately and I really like it since I live so close to the park. On my days off when Matt is busy working, I really like going to the parks by myself. While it's really strange to some of my co-workers, I've had years of experience as a solo park goer. It allows me to reconnect with the emotional aspect of my job, and is a great reminder as to why I love Disney so much. I need to find a hobby in the area that isn't Disney related… something new. Sure, I still love to watch television shows and play guitar, but I feel like I need something totally different to immerse myself in during my down time.
I'll admit that I have been getting really lonely lately. I'm not sure if it's just that Matt's the only person I see, or that I work crazy hours so it's hard to feel normal, but I just find myself feeling pretty lousy when I'm not at work. Truly depressed. However, I LOVE my job! Partially because it's such a great distraction from my real life. I don't sleep well anymore. I usually wake up around 5am with my cat and we just look at each other for a solid hour. My mind races, and soon I really just wish that Mr. Sandman would come visit. But, of course, thinking of Mr. Sandman makes me think of the movie "Cry-Baby", and then I start thinking about who I'd like to play in that movie and all of my favorite parts. Before you know it, I have the entire soundtrack stuck in my head, and in between each verse of every song I think about something that stresses me out. That's my brain.
At work I'm surrounded by some really incredible people. Folks from all different walks of life and everyone has such a variety of life stories. I absolutely LOVE getting to know people. I do struggle with my self-confidence sometimes, and I do find myself nervous to say hello to some people. However, there have been certain individuals that let me know that I'm wanted and welcomed. I love those people. Sure, there have been some stinkers. Some people that clearly want nothing to do with me, and people that I've learned I can't trust. That's life. I had that all at the bank in Michigan, and now I have that in Florida.
Making friends is pretty tricky here. It kind of feels like high school at times. I'm not sure what people want to be friends and what people just talk to me because I'm right there in front of them. I feel quite different than most of the people I work with. Maybe it's because I'm married. Maybe it's because I'm older. Maybe it's because I don't like to feed into the catty negativity that floats around. Either way, I don't know who is being real and who is just tolerating my existence. My job makes it really hard to truly bond with someone while at work. You really have to take the time outside of work to try and get to know a person. Man, you'd think that at 26 years old I'd have friendship figured out by now, but girls are confusing and I don't think I'll ever understand them. Still, I'm not giving up because there has to be someone here that I can share a connection with.
Lately, I've been thinking about how terrific it is to be surrounded by so many talented people. Sometimes I come to the parks just to watch and learn from other entertainers. Supporting each other is really important… even the people that haven't exactly been friendly toward me. I've been coming to the parks for years, and somehow I still get blown away by Disney entertainment. It's something that I know will never get old.
I really miss my family, but I don't miss Sturgis. Not even a little bit. I waited 26 years of my life to get out of that city, and I know it's great for some people, but I never ever felt like I belonged. Maybe eventually I'll have a desire to drive around there and feel nostalgic, but right now I'm quite okay with having this life in Florida. Everything here is so beautiful. The sky even looks different here. It's more open and clear. The sunsets are more picturesque. It's a perfect place to be myself and appreciate the little things in life.
I look forward to what's to come in the future months here in Florida… cooler weather, holiday decorations and events, and family visiting.