Nevertheless, I do know some things for sure. I still have a true passion for Disney. In fact, I think I love it even more... if that's possible. I really don't feel like I'm overloaded with Disney, and I certainly don't feel like the magic has faded. There are so many opportunities with the company, and I hate the idea of letting any of them pass by me. I waited my whole life for this. I'm not going to waste my time here, because I know that it could potentially be a very short time that I get to do what I do. I still cannot believe I get paid to create magic. And I think I say this in every single blog post I write, but I really can't grasp that I am finally doing what I told everyone I wanted to do.
Some days are still really hard. Balancing my personal life and work life is probably the most challenging part. Making and keeping friends feels almost impossible sometimes. Mostly because I feel so different than the majority of people that I work with. Some days, when north feels south, when I'm dealing with rejection, when I'm feeling like the ugly duckling, or when I question if I'm good enough, I try to remind myself that there are co-workers that most definitely go through the same thing.
Sometimes, I sit around at work and listen to girls pick themselves a part. Their job performance, their voice, their hair, their diet, their nose, their calves, and their cuticles, are all things that seem to be scrutinized from time to time. It's like a disease that spreads quickly. Suddenly, even when I am feeling my best, I'm reminded that there are many things that could be "wrong" with me. I'm generally a girl that has always liked my true self, but it's admittedly challenging to not look at myself a little differently and wish that I was more what other girls consider to be perfect. The worst moments are those when I'm in a big group of co-workers and my insecurities lead me to think that others must wonder what the heck I'm doing there amongst them. It's RIDICULOUS! Simply because I know that I deserve it. I know that I'm great. I know that I'm good enough. And in reality, it really doesn't matter if anyone else thinks that or not.
New opportunities have come up for many of my co-workers and friends. I am SO happy and proud to call these people my friends. One of my favorite parts of this job (and I know I've spoken of this before, but read on), is how I can make friends and support them through all of their ups and downs. I don't have enough room in my mind and my heart to see my co-workers as competition. We're all entirely different people with entirely different special things about us.
Going through struggles really makes me appreciate the little things even more than I usually do. There are so many things on my Disney check list, and I've been able to cross many of them off since I've been living in Florida. Perhaps the biggest accomplishment for me as a guest, was meeting Hercules. It might sound crazy to some people, but watching Hercules for the first time is one of the happiest memories I have from my childhood. I've always been able to connect to the film and to Hercules himself. I never actually thought I'd get to meet him since he's such a rare character, but it really happened and was just as magical as I imagined it to be.
Anyway, it's taken me almost a week to finish this blog post. I apologize for all my ramblings. It's probably the least cohesive post I've ever written. I totally appreciate you sticking it out. My family is finally visiting me next week, so I'm sure I'll have some great things to share after they leave Florida.
Thanks, friends! :)